God's 2nd med surprise

So, yeah. My first med unexpected surprise (I know it's kind of redundant that it's unexpected and it's a surprise, but whatever) when I was in first year and found out that I made the list of exempted students for anatomy. That really blew me away. Well, He surprised me again. I was called, as part of the 23 students who got exempted for IM finals. I really didn't expect it. In fact, when my name was called out by the head of IM, I actually said 'seryoso?' (are you serious?) out loud. I was shaking for about five minutes, thinking that I actually heard him wrong. *sigh* I actually expected to take the final exams today but God had a better plan.. err.. surprise for me. I'm just very happy today. I think my love for IM got renewed, but still not sure if I'm heading that way as my specialty. Anyway, God is truly great! Happy day!! :)

with my cram/panic buddy-- AnnaBee

The IM department gave us free pizza and softdrinks as a reward. :)

Extended adolescents?

A doctor once told us that as medical students, we were considered 'extended adolescents'. I didn't really get his reason why but at times I think we are way more immature than adolescents... at least based on how most of us behave in class or treat others. You'd think being post-grad students would make us all responsible and mature but we keep falling short of that expectation. You'd think bullying stops at highschool but somehow most of us brought our highschool "i'm better than you" personalities all the way through medical school.

It actually irritates me at some point when most of the class will gang up on one of my classmates just because he's 'different'. It isn't fair. People say they are against bullying but don't really practice their philosophies. I'm not saying I'm not guilty. There were times when the lines of good and bad get blurry. Yes, I am no better than them at times but I am trying to change. To be more patient. Being 'different' shouldn't be one's ticket to being the butt of all jokes or criticisms. The sad part is I think my classmate has reached his threshold with all this and might stop going to classes, and some still keep 'kicking' him even if he's down. I try telling others to lay off the mean jokes but somehow they always have this "rationalized defense" that they think is right.

I pray that things change in class for the better. What kind of doctors would we be if we can't show compassion? And, to my classmate: I'm sorry if I ever snapped at you or offended you in any way.

How to gain weight in medical school without dying early

Unfortunately, I don't have the answer but I am looking for an honestly, good answer. Ever since I was a kid, I already had a hard time gaining weight. I already had my thyroid hormones checked (just in case they were the cause), but they turned out normal. So anyway, I would be having my junior internship next year, which means 36 hours of duty, more sleepless nights, more stress and apparently, a great tendency to skip meals. I actually want to gain a decent amount of weight before the next school year so I won't look like a wasted patient or no one would joke about me being emaciated.

If anyone knows a good way to gain weight (pregnancy is not a solution, in case someone might consider suggesting it), please let me know. :)

Here we go again.

It's that time of the month again. that time where everyone seems to panic because they are unprepared. That time of the month when everyone seems to be on the edge--PMS-like. That time of the month where my bed and I have a love-hate relationship for about a week (with love being the dominating value of "our relationship"). Yes, it's evaluation exams again. And yes, I came in unprepared, nowhere near being on-the-edge (probably before the week ends, I might start snapping at people. haha!) and had a so-so sleep. Somehow I regret being unprepared but a part of me is just plain happy that I got to go home the past weekend especially since I don't get to do so with exams coming.

Anyway, I hope my exams turn out well. 9 more days to go before sembreak. Wooohoo~!

The Inevitable(?) Detachment

Back when I was in 1st year, I remember a certain professor recalling the story of a certain patient of his a few years back. He told us about how this certain patient underwent an operation due to a condition(i actually forgot what it was) and how they were not able to return the patient's organs inside his/her body. Yes, the case was disheartening to hear, what actually struck me was my professor's reaction as he told us the story. As he mentioned the words "sa sobrang laki e di na maibalik" ( (the organs) were too large to be placed back(in the body) ), he suddenly laughed. Of course, some of the class laughed (which I have no idea why they did). I, on the other hand, felt bad for my professor. Was it because he's been a doctor for too long that the idea of death or tragedy was so ordinary or comedic? Did he take it upon himself to see the patient's fate as a funny stress-reliever? Did the thought of "better him/her than me" gave him such a relief that he decided to show it by laughing? Or was he just too detached from the patient that he couldn't give an emphatic response? I don't know.

A study was made a few months/years ago about why empathy has declined among medical students and residents. The following findings struck me:

"Nearly all of the studies in our review showed that empathy declines significantly on entering the clinical practice phase of training and with increased contact with patients. One possible explanation for this phenomenon may be that encountering morbidity and mortality heightens trainees' feelings of vulnerability. As a result, students and residents may overidentify with patients, causing them to suffer more from distress themselves; they thus become unable to provide rational health care or protect themselves by dehumanizing patients.

Another critical experience during initial clinical practice is trainees' increased responsibility for the patient, which is often guided by their unrealistic expectations that medicine can always cure and that there is always "a right thing" to do. Students' and residents' expectations may lead them to react to the stress of overwhelming responsibility in undesirable ways—such as detached concern and decreased empathy—as they concentrate only on molecules, organs, reports, and data rather than on the patient.

Another key factor of empathy decline among medical students and residents is distress (e.g., burnout, reduced quality of life, depression), which is probably caused by the previously mentioned elements of the "hidden curriculum."

The medical students and interns surveyed were asked which factors they viewed as affecting empathy during education. They considered "mentoring and clinical experiences that promote professional growth" to be the most important; "negative feelings and attitudes toward patients" and "negative school and work experiences" were less important in their view."

(for full article: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/747624)

When I read--skimmed the article, I actually felt scared that in the next year, I might just be like the medical student in this study. Too stressed to care or too hurt that will lead to eventually not caring or worse, becoming like my professor. Okay, maybe he's not all bad and that I shouldn't generalize him based on that one incident.. but I still feel that he shouldn't have laughed at the patient's fate. Sure, he didn't laugh in front of her or her family, but doing it in front of the class, might as well be as awful as doing the former. Like what the article said, mentoring and clinical experiences that promote professional growth was the most important factor affecting empathy during education. If professor just does not seem to care, what message is he sending his students?

A patient is a patient. A human being. Someone in need. Dehumanizing them to do one's responsibilities would not help one bit. A doctor cares for the sick not for the sickness. It is for that reason that I admire consultants/residents who actually take time to get to know the patient or actually knowing how the patient was, instead of throwing the generic "how are you today?" and leaving 1-2 minutes later. Sure, most doctors would probably argue that having dozens of patients won't give them enough time to have small chit-chats with their patients, but how come certain doctors can still take the time to do so?

Back when I was in 1st year, a professor told us a story of a certain patient and laughed at how his/her organs could no longer be placed back inside his/her body which, among other things, led to the patient's death. I pray, one day, when I become a nurse-doctor, I won't be detached like he was.. that I would still be human enough to feel and care.

Finding Magic

Okay. I know finding "magic" is sort of a tall order for med school, but I need it. I have to find it. My drive is still here but my grades are mimicking an erratic ECG reading. And I'm starting to get frustrated. Pretty soon, I might just snap and die from heartbreak with all this disappointment.

Someone, please.. please.. please.. , tell me how to find it. The grade-conscious part of me is strangling the happy-go-lucky me as I struggle to find consistency.

UP-to-DATE

It's been about 8 months since my last post here. I've been busy/lazy. I am still a bit lazy in posting but I miss writing.. er, typing. Anyway, a lil update.. I am finally a 3rd year medical student. Yes, I am a year away from becoming a junior intern and graduating. But with that exciting news comes a few bumps on the road. 1.) A friend got delayed and some of my classmates too. So now, we're down to 130-something. I miss A. 2.) Hell week no more! I know, we should be thankful about it but scratching hell week meant squeezing 7-9/10 exams in 2-3 days. Stressful, indeed. 3.) Ward works excite me but they also scare the heck out of me. I mean, I'm happy that I would get to apply everything I learned but still, the thought of not being able to do things right scares me. I don't want to make a mistake. So, instead, I think I become the background student who blends in with the crowd. 4.) Our semestral break is about a week long. I know I keep saying that during my pre med days, I used to have the same short-vacations; but the difference was, back then, I came home everyday. Now, that I'm in medschool, I only go home during the weekends and that is if I don't have exams the following week.

*sigh*

But all is not lost, or in this case, bumpy. I am happy that I reached third year. I get to be friends with others and even better friends with old friends. I finally have a room of my own(no offense to my ex-roomie. i do love her. :) ) and I can finally manage a schedule on my own. It's a long road ahead and I'm sure it will get bumpier and a lot of curves... but in the end, I'm sure it will be worth it.